So the other day, I was minding my own business, just stepping into the shower, when lo and behold what do I see up in the corner by the shower-head but this lovely specimen:
It was a Daddy Longlegs, which after
doing some research Googling, I discovered is not really a spider at all. They are, according to this website, not spiders but rather some strange sort of insect known as "Harvestmen."
After cheerily informing us about this ominous name, this same website goes on to assure the reader that Daddy Longlegs are harmless. They state:
You don't need to be afraid of Daddy Longlegs because they have no venom at all.
Um gee, thanks, Mister Website. But Imma keep on being scared if that's all right with you. Because Daddy Longlegs may not have venom, but they do have LONG LEGS. And they move REALLY, REALLY FAST.
Which brings me back to my story.
So after my shower was interrupted by this not-spider, I decided to take action. By which I mean I picked up my giant container of Noxzema face cream and proceeded to whack the loathsome creature with it.
Alas, I discovered to my dismay that while Noxzema is great for the face, it doesn't work so well in defending you from not-spiders. Instead of being crushed by the giant Noxzema bottle, the horrid creature actually started CRAWLING TOWARDS ME OMG. And by crawling I mean CRAWLING REALLY, REALLY FAST TOWARDS ME OMFG.
Reader, I think I jumped seven feet. No, really, if there was an Olympic medal for jumping seven feet after seeing not-spiders, the medal would so be hanging around my neck right now.
I'm normally not a screamer, but this spider was so fast it made me scream. I dropped the Noxzema bottle and almost slipped on the shower mat, I was in such a panic. The following music may or may not have been playing in my head:
Needless to say, that was the shortest shower that was ever taken in the history of showers.
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