Dear E. Jean:
In an all-female get-together, is it appropriate to hug only the ones you feel closest to and say 'hello' to the others? Or should I hug them all so nobody feels rejected? This may seem like a stupid question, but I'm not American and feel insecure sometimes in social or business meetings.-Faux Paulette
You would think I'd be used to all this hugging and kissing, but I'm not. In fact, I always feel awkward hugging people, male or female. I feel awkward even if they're my friends. (Unless it's my boyf. He is the best hugger. He gives me these bone-crushing hugs that turn my limbs to jelly. It's awesome.)
What's weird is that I also don't mind getting hugs from my female students, but I don't like receiving them from the male students, since I teach high school, so I try to avoid that! But it's hugging women and men who are my peers that makes me feel awkward for some reason. Why do I feel this way? Am I weird for feeling this way?!
Let's turn to E. Jean's response to Faux Paulette to see if it's any help:
Miss Faux, my flower-box:I love the "ruffle her hair" bit, hee. Well, that does make me feel a bit better. I can always "shake hands affectionately!" It helped me realize that it's OK not to be innately affectionate and that others won't necessarily think I'm rude if I don't screech, hurl my glass across the room, and embrace them with both arms and legs. ;-)
I personally like to walk into a room, throw my arms around any woman who looks better than I, and ruffle her hair. On the other hand, if I'm already in the room and a female friend I know enters, I screech, hurl my glass of champagne into the fireplace, and embrace her with both arms, and sometimes one leg, depending on the height of my heels.
These are my only two rules. For you, however, it is less complicated: Hug it out with everyone you feel like hugging (except your boss), and shake hands affectionately with those you don't.
