The one in which a not-spider almost kills me in the shower. (But not really.)

In case you didn't know, one of my biggest phobias is spiders. As in, I don't want to be anywhere near one. As in, I don't care how big it is, I don't want it in my general vicinity. As in, the volume of my screams increases in proportion to the size and speed of the beast.

So the other day, I was minding my own business, just stepping into the shower, when lo and behold what do I see up in the corner by the shower-head but this lovely specimen:

It was a Daddy Longlegs, which after doing some research Googling, I discovered is not really a spider at all. They are, according to this website, not spiders but rather some strange sort of insect known as "Harvestmen."


After cheerily informing us about this ominous name, this same website goes on to assure the reader that Daddy Longlegs are harmless. They state:

You don't need to be afraid of Daddy Longlegs because they have no venom at all.

Um gee, thanks, Mister Website. But Imma keep on being scared if that's all right with you. Because Daddy Longlegs may not have venom, but they do have LONG LEGS. And they move REALLY, REALLY FAST.


Which brings me back to my story.

So after my shower was interrupted by this not-spider, I decided to take action. By which I mean I picked up my giant container of Noxzema face cream and proceeded to whack the loathsome creature with it.

Alas, I discovered to my dismay that while Noxzema is great for the face, it doesn't work so well in defending you from not-spiders. Instead of being crushed by the giant Noxzema bottle, the horrid creature actually started CRAWLING TOWARDS ME OMG. And by crawling I mean CRAWLING REALLY, REALLY FAST TOWARDS ME OMFG.

Reader, I think I jumped seven feet. No, really, if there was an Olympic medal for jumping seven feet after seeing not-spiders, the medal would so be hanging around my neck right now.

I'm normally not a screamer, but this spider was so fast it made me scream. I dropped the Noxzema bottle and almost slipped on the shower mat, I was in such a panic. The following music may or may not have been playing in my head:

Needless to say, that was the shortest shower that was ever taken in the history of showers.

The End.


Creative Commons License
All content on this site is the sole property of Ana Cristina Simon, unless otherwise stated, and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Lolcat of the Week

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

*puts away Thanksgiving*

Time to get ready for my most favorite time of the year... Christmas! :-D


Creative Commons License
All content on this site is the sole property of Ana Cristina Simon, unless otherwise stated, and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

These are a few of my (current) favorite things...

Cold Fronts

So I live in South Florida, and I've never seen snow (outside of the movies), and the coldest temperatures I've ever experienced were in the low 30's, Fahrenheit.  (Jealous yet? ;p)

However, I have always considered myself more of a winter girl than a summer girl. I just love Miami winters. We had our first pretty serious cold front of the season come in last night. You guys, I was actually shivering. And now that Thanksgiving is over and Christmas is on its way, the crisp nights will hopefully be more frequent. Hopefully.

Another reason to love cold fronts in Miami? They equal automatic good hair days!

Cracker Barrel

Speaking of Thanksgiving, last night I celebrated Thanksgiving with le boyf and his family. He had some relatives in from out of town, so we took them to Cracker Barrel for dinner. Alas, they were out of turkey AND pie (blasphemy of blasphemies!), but we made do with meat loaf, mashed potatoes with sawmill gravy, and my absolute favorite food at Cracker Barrel -- their bread.

Every time I go to Cracker Barrel, what I salivate for is not the food, as scrumptious as it is. It's the bread. I love their biscuits and cornbread almost as much as I love my own boyf. He knows this and accepts this. He probably loves the bread almost as much as me, too! And I'm okay with that. Because it is that darn good.

Okay, great. I just made myself hungry.

NARS Lip Gloss

Lately, I've been wearing less lipstick and more lip gloss. I find that lipstick can be very drying during the winter months while lipgloss is more forgiving on the lips.

One of the best lip gloss brands I've found is NARS. I especially like the shades "Greek Holiday" and "Dolce Vita." What I like best about their lip gloss is that it complements women of all complexions, dark or fair, and their lip glosses aren't very quick to disappear (and I say this as a chronic lip biter -- I make Kristen Stewart in "Twilight" look almost normal).

To see all their shades and purchase NARS lip gloss, visit Sephora. They're $24 each, but they last a while. (I apply it at least once a day and I usually go through a tube in 2-3 months.)

Peacock Feather Earrings

Something strange about me -- sometimes it takes me a while to catch on to a certain fad. While I might admire it, seeing it everywhere seems to diminish its appeal for me somewhat. It isn't until its popularity starts to fade that I perk up and start to pay attention.

So it was with peacock feather earrings. A year or two ago, I used to see them everywhere. Even my students were wearing them ... to school. Yeah, so I wasn't having it at first. Not so much.

Last month, I was browsing my favorite website, Etsy, when I came across these peacock feather earrings. For FOUR DOLLARS. I kid you not. I thought about it for about a second, and then I pounced. They arrived a week later and it was love at first sight. I love how they look with jeans and heels. Too cute.

What's that you say? They're so last year? *shrug* Who cares, I like them today.

(To browse the Etsy store where I purchased these darlings, go here.)

The Strokes

Similar to my experience with peacock feather earrings, I didn't start liking the band The Strokes until much later. In fact, when they first caught my attention a month ago (I happened to find the song "Take it or Leave it" on YouTube) and I started digging around on the interwebs to find out more about them, it was only to discover that the band is for all intents and purposes broken up.


But at least I could still purchase their old albums and enjoy them today. And the lead singer, Julian Casablancas, recently released his own solo album called Phrazes For The Young (which you can preview for free and download for $4.99 on Amazon). And it's pretty damn good. Honestly, he's what makes (made?) the band so damn good. His voice isn't the smooth, pretty-boy voice that so many male singers affect today -- it's guttural, bordering on the barest fringes of rage and/or despair (take your pick). Pair that with some awesome guitar and drum work and you've got a bonafide rock band. We need more bands like this.

Here's that song I was telling you about, "Take it or Leave it." It is awesome. Enjoy!

What are some of your favorites this month? Let me know in the comments!


Creative Commons License 
All content on this site is the sole property of Ana Cristina Simon, unless otherwise stated, and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Lolcat of the Week

funny pictures of cats with captions

I'm currently on a diet and have lost about 5 pounds (yay, me!), but that doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to Thanksgiving dinner this Thursday... :D

Have a great week and a very happy Thanksgiving, everyone!


Creative Commons License
All content on this site is the sole property of Ana Cristina Simon, unless otherwise stated, and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

My Film Review of "New Moon"

(Previously posted on my Twilight blog, The Danger Magnet)

I've been debating whether or not to post this pseudo-review of "New Moon" since I saw the film, because some of my readers hadn't yet seen the film. But the awesometastic Betti Gefecht and Mrs. Vanquish were the only ones I knew who hadn't yet seen it, and right this moment they are either still watching or just finished watching The-Movie-of-the-Forever somewhere in Germany. So I'm no longer worried about spoiling anyone.

If for any reason you have NOT seen the film, obviously you don't want to keep reading. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy my ramble rant review of the film.

New Moon Poster Bella Swan Edward CUllen Robert pattinson kristen stewart

I went with fellow Danger Magnet Gracie to see the double-feature of "Twilight" and "New Moon" Thursday night. At first I was all, why do I want to see "Twilight" for the 1,805,211th time and pay good money for it when I can see it for free at home? But the tickets were only $5.00 and at least it gave me something to do before midnight. Oh, and I got to see this again on the big screen:

This is my favorite part in "Twilight." Not even the waitress's disastrous butt-shaped hair can ruin this scene for me!

There were two added bonuses to watching "Twilight." Firstly, we didn't have to make the line from hell to see "New Moon." Gracie and I arrived at the theater sometime before 8 PM and there was already a HUGE line of people waiting to get in for "New Moon." We were able to walk right into the auditorium for "Twilight" without making a line. The second bonus was the best bonus -- an employee from Cinemark walked in shortly before "Twilight" started to let us know that we could stay in the same auditorium and wait for "New Moon" to start without having to make the line. So that made me very happy indeed.

You guys know how nervous I was about my audience misbehaving during "New Moon." Well, I'm happy to report that my fellow audience members were super well-behaved, both during "Twilight" and "New Moon." So no duct tape was needed. :-)

Sure, there were some shrieks of excitement by the time the opening credits appeared for "New Moon," but that was to be expected. (I may have even shrieked a little myself, but only very quietly.)

As for my thoughts on the movie, they are so scattered right now that I'm going to organize them into "Like" and "Do Not Like" piles for easier reading (and less *headdesk*-ing):

  • I like that the film started the same way the book did, with Bella's creeptastic dream. I would've been upset if that had been missing. Because I'm a crabby book purist that way.
  • I like the scene early on where Movie-Jacob visits Movie-Bella at school on her birthday. I especially like the scene where Movie-Jacob hugs Movie-Bella goodbye and gives Movie-Edward that especially knowing look.
  • I like that they finally decided to ditch Movie-Bella's oogly hairband. I hate-hate-hated it in the first film and was so upset when it made its reappearance in the first third of this film. She looks so much better without it! And yes, I am superficial that way.
  • I like that Movie-Bella seems to have learned to control her manic blinking and lip-biting. I get that she was wearing contacts that were uncomfortable in the first film. I get that her lips were probably chapped on account of the cra-azy Forks weather. But it didn't make it any less annoying.
  • Not only did Movie-Bella look better in this film, but she gave a better performance, too. Some people were bugged that they didn't see her cry after the breakup scene, but to be honest, her listlessness (especially in the OCTOBER...NOVEMBER...DECEMBER scene) was more convincing than crying ever could have been.
  • I like love Movie-Charlie. I love that he says the line "Always am" to Bella's concerned admonition for him to be careful again in this film, in the same-exact-tone-of-voice as the first film. All exasperated yet loving. Movie-Charlie, please adopt me. My dad won't mind, promise.
  • I like Movie-Jessica. Her zombie monologue was hilar. She is so snarky and mean. I want to be her best frenemy 4 lyf.
  • I like "Face Punch," like a lot. I would pay to see this movie. I mean, just listen to the dialogue: "Put your gun down." "Put your gun down, or I'm going to blow your fricking head off." "Both of you put both of your guns down, or I'm going to blow both of your fricking heads off." Yeah, pretty much comedic gold right thar.
  • I like Movie-Jacob. Who knew the kid can act! Heck, even his abs can act! Seriously, though, a testament to Taylor Lautner's acting ability is the fact that I hated the character Jacob in the book and I loved him in the film. Even though he sometimes would take off his shirt for no reason. (Band-aids were invented for a reason, Jake. Just saying...) He did a great job in his "break-up" scene with Bella. My heart went out to him when he said he's not a good kid. I just wanted to hug him. (And his abs. ::chanting to self: "He's only 17, he's only 17, he's only 17...::)
  • I like the improvisation regarding Harry Clearwater's death. That scene was just vague enough in the books to allow Rosenberg to have some creative license in the script. And I think the way it was written was awesome. Plus the CGI in that scene is awesome. I love the crow hanging in mid-air as Movie-Victoria whizzes by underneath.
  • Overall, I felt they used the soundtrack in only meh ways, with the exception of the song "Hearing Damage" in the scene mentioned above and the song "Possibility" in the montage immediately following Edward's departure.
  • I love Movie-Victoria's hair in this movie. If I could marry that hair shade, I would. She will be missed in the next film. ::sniff, sniff::
  • I like Movie-Aro. He is exactly the way I pictured him, if a little younger. He perfectly captures Aro's giddy, crazy, bipolar personality. Where he'll bake you a cake one minute then tear out your heart the next.
  • I like Movie-Jane. Even if she's a little too good at being creepy!
  • I like the musical score only okay. It's not as memorable as Twilight's score, with the exception of the song "Memories of Edward" that plays when Bella is remembering being in the meadow with Edward.
  • I like the CGI effects in this movie. I love that the vampires now make a whoosh sound whenever they move at super-speed. It reminds me of the sound Harry's wand makes in the HP films -- it's got that magical, otherwordly feel. I especially liked the wolves -- the phasing was not cheesy like I feared, but actually pretty impressive and fearsome.
  • I liked the makeup better in this movie. The new vampirey contacts were cool, especially the ones for the Volturi and the Nomads. HOWEVER -- I felt Movie-Edward could've done without so much lipstick.
  • I like that there brief moments of humor interspersed throughout the film. Like Movie-Eric crying during "Romeo and Juliet" in class. Or the whole "You can't trust vampires ... trust me," line that Movie-Edward says. The film would've been a lot heavier without this.
  • I do not like that Movie-Edward's sparkles STILL make a sound. It's like a windchime. Or a bunch of overexcited fairies. And I can't help but remember the snarkiest scene in all of "Twilight" every time I hear that sound ... the scene where Movie-Edward sparkles for Movie-Bella for the very first time (Cue: "Like a vampire ... sparkling for the very first time"). I'm sorry, y'all, but I just can't buy Edward when he tells Bella oh-so-dramatically, "THIS-IS-THE-SKIN-OF-A-KILLER-BELLA." Not when he's sparkling and chiming like some fancy chandelier.
  • I do not like Movie-Alice's wardrobe in this movie. At one point she's wearing a painter's smock. Which would make sense if she were painting. But she is not. So no. I do not like.
  • I do not like Movie-Jasper's hair in this movie. AGAIN. But hey, at least it wasn't as bad as this:
  • I do not like Movie-Laurent's accent in this movie. It just sounds so fake. It weaves in and out of different accents. One second he sounds French, then he sounds American, then he sounds Jamaican. Pay special attention to when he first says the word "visit" -- he goes on to say it in at least three different accents after that.
  • I do not like Movie-Edward's hair in this movie. Where did the James Dean bouffant of wonder go??? ::sob:: You just can't JAAAAAMES DEEEEEEAN without the hair, ya know? ::sniffle::
  • I do not like that Edward parks his car in such a douchey way, taking up not one but TWO parking spaces. And then he has to walk across the parking lot in slow motion. As if he wasn't attracting enough attention by taking up the TWO parking spaces. Sheesh.
  • I do not like that Movie-Bella doesn't cough up water after Movie-Jacob pulls her from the water. Okay, there was like a trickle of water that streamed down from her mouth. But that wasn't believable enough for someone who almost drowned and probably swallowed a gallon of water.
  • Okay, you are going to think I am strange when I say the following, but I know I'm not the only one who noticed this, so here goes nothing ::deep breath:: what was up with Movie-Edward's left nipple in the Great Sparkle Reveal? The only thing I can think of is that it's makeup not smoothed on properly or something. Because I think we would've noticed before if he had a scar there ... right? Yeah, I know his shirt was ripped in the exact same place, but still... it wasn't explained properly and it just bugged me. Movie-Edward is supposed to be perfect.
  • I do not like that Movie-Jane says the word "Pain" prior to sending Movie-Edward into psychic convulsions. It was silly and stupid. If it's a psychic power she has, why would she need to say it? It's not like the Cruciatus curse, where you have to say the word... Okay, I'm done.
  • I'm still undecided on the whole Bella and Edward running in slow mo when Alice shows Aro her future memory of Bella as a vampire. Honestly, their cheesy clothing didn't bother me as much as the slow mo running.
  • I do not like that the movie felt rushed after the scene where Bella and co. leave the Volturi. I think it needed to be further developed. We should have seen them arrive home with Charlie all freaking out.
  • I do not like that Edward's magnificent monologue is missing from the bedroom scene near the end. This is another scene that needed more development. I get that they decided to extend the scene where Bella and Edward reunite, but I would've preferred the bedroom scene to be longer instead. And where's the line where he says, "Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night..." ::sob::
Vampire Overkill
  • The vote scene also felt rushed, although I liked Movie-Rosalie's performance and Movie-Edward's, too, when he realizes everyone (minus Rosalie) is voting against his wishes.
  • I do not like that Movie-Jacob transforms at the end. He's supposed to convulse and come close to phasing, but no cigar. We already got the point, Mr. Weitz -- you've got mad CGI skills. Now stick to the story.
  • I do not like the dramatic PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUSE in the last scene where Edward proposes to Bella. Sorry, but this was overkill. The ending was already cliffhangery enough without this dramatic pause.
  • Overall, I do not like Movie-Edward's acting as much in this film as in the first one. I get the impression that he was just going through the motions. I know a lot of you will disagree with me on this, but consider how he acted in "Twilight." I think he did a much better job in that film. The only scene where I felt he gave real emotion was at the very end of the break-up scene, where he kisses Bella goodbye. The brief flash of passion in his eyes was so raw, you felt it. But the rest of his performance felt like so much sleepwalking.
  • And perhaps the most significant thing I don't like about the film... the fact that I had already seen so much of it. Now, I could go blaming Summit Entertainment and the media in general, but the fact is that the blame belongs only to me. I had the choice whether or not to be a spoiler bunny. I chose to be a spoiler bunny. And I regret that now. To that end, I've decided to cool it on the spoilers leading up to "Eclipse." My other Danger Magnets are welcome to post them, but I myself won't. In fact, you'll be seeing less of me on this blog in the next seven months or so. I will be hosting the occasional book or character discussion, but I've decided to nix the Twi-Spam feature because it tempted me to spoilerify myself too much. So yes. I'm officially now a Born-Again Twi-Virgin. Bring on the chastity belt.
As you can see from my bullet points above, I like a lot about the film, but I also don't like a lot about the film. However, I am left with a positive impression every time I finish watching it. To date, I've now seen the film three times -- twice in the theater and once at home (if you know what I mean). I had the same issues every time I saw the film. Could it have been better? Yes. But it could've also been much, much worse, and it is better than "Twilight" overall.

(Yes, I finally saw the trailer to "Remember Me" -- the second time I saw it in the theater. But honestly? It didn't interest me that much. ::gasp:: "Lovely Bones" interested me more.)

If you want to read two very funny, and in my opinion, truthful reviews of "New Moon," check out the Made of Fail podcast team's reviews here.

And of course, you're welcome to tell me what you thought of the film in the comments below! What did you like and dislike about it? I'd love to hear your thoughts. :)


Creative Commons License
All content on this site is the sole property of Ana Cristina Simon, unless otherwise stated, and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Lolcat of the Week

Have a wonderful week, everyone! :)


Creative Commons License
All content on this site is the sole property of Ana Cristina Simon, unless otherwise stated, and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Lolcat of the Week

Have a great week, everyone! :)


Creative Commons License
All content on this site is the sole property of Ana Cristina Simon, unless otherwise stated, and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Lolcat of the Week

Tell me that wasn't the cutest thing ever...

Happy Monday! Have a great week. :)


Creative Commons License

All content on this site is the sole property of Ana Cristina Simon, unless otherwise stated, and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.