33.

via

So today is my 33rd birthday. Strange -- I don't feel 33. Not exactly. The older I get, the more I realize how relative age is. There are some days I'll feel 16, caught in the throes of adolescent rage or longing. Other days I'll feel 5, and I'll want to crawl back into the safety of my mother's arms. And then there are the days I'll feel 95, like an ancient tree that's been twisted by the winds of recriminations and regrets.

But it's not all bad. I honestly think I'm young at heart. Teaching high school kids helps with that, and the other part comes from my determination to remain optimistic no matter what, although my optimism was sorely tested these past two months. I'm sure you've noticed I haven't been blogging or tweeting that much. It hasn't just been because of the beginning of a new school year, although that's certainly to blame as well. It's because my boyfriend and I broke up after being together nearly 12 years. I won't pretend it hasn't been awful, but what has helped is the fact that it was in truth an amicable break-up. Despite the unbelieving reaction of our friends, we have remained in contact. The way I see it, he and I began as good friends, so there's no reason why we shouldn't end that way.

The irony of it all is that one of my last blog posts, the last blog post I wrote while he and I were still together, has a title that has an all too eery meaning for me today: "Beginnings are endings are beginnings." Little did I know I would be learning the truth of this statement mere days after writing it.

But that's in my past and right now I'm focusing on the future. I've found solace in my work, in my family, and in my friends, and I have made some adjustments in these areas that have helped my relationships on both a personal and professional level. I'm getting over my fear of driving and have scheduled myself for driving lessons, the first of which I'm taking tomorrow (!). I'm even starting to date again, which is a scary new adventure in its own right.

I was speaking to some friends at work today about how 33 seems to be a turning point for a lot of women, for some reason. I feel (I hope) in my heart that it might be that way for me, too. But no matter what this year brings, I know one thing's for sure -- I'll be walking forward with my eyes clear and open and my head held high.

Beginnings are endings are beginnings.

So the school year officially begins on Monday, which means that my summer vacation has officially ended. Truthfully? I'm not as sad about it as you might think. Part of it has to do with the fact that it is fun to redecorate your classroom every year (after you get over the initial mumbling and grumbling stage, aka, the unpacking and cleaning). Here's what my classroom looks like this year -- pardon the blur, they were taken with my iPhone:

I still want to add a few more things to my classroom before I can consider it done -- namely a small fridge and a Harry Potter poster -- but it can wait until things settle down a bit.

Another reason why I'm not feeling so bad about starting the new school year is that I get to end my summer vacation on a high note -- while I was going quietly crazy at work today, bouncing from meeting to meeting, my boyfriend called to suggest we go to Islands of Adventure tomorrow until Sunday because our annual passes are about to expire. For a nanosecond, I thought, Are you insane? But then I decided, Oh what the heck. I'll just stress myself out if I stay home and wind up spending all weekend creating color-coded seating charts and whatnot. Better to go to Orlando and have butterbeer and ride the Dragon Challenge, especially since I've been on such a Harry Potter kick this summer. I'll probably start the school year more relaxed that way!

The biggest reason why I'm happy to begin the new school year? It's simply because I'm excited to meet my new students. It is both the blessing and the curse of the teacher that we play but a transient role in the lives of our students. When you think about it, we truly spend so little time with them and ultimately have that blink-and-you'll-miss-it chance to make a difference in their lives. I become newly aware of this fact every August. Even though I'm going into my ninth (!!!) year teaching this school year, I still get butterflies in my stomach every time school starts up again. If I'm blessed enough to still be teaching when I'm old and gray, something tells me I will still continue to get those butterflies. I hope they never fly away.

Shiny Happy Laptop

I'm getting a brand new laptop computer, just ordered it from Amazon.com! I never would have thought you could safely order computers online, but apparently you can. My boyf's father told me so, and when I researched it online, I was overjoyed to discover this is not only true, but also kinder to my wallet -- the laptop I'm getting, a Toshiba, is normally over $700 in stores like Best Buy and the soon-to-be-defunct (sniff, sniff) Circuit City, but I got it for $679.99. Oh, and an added bonus to ordering on Amazon -- shipping is free when you select "Super Saver Shipping." It might take a little longer, but hey, I don't mind if it means paying less! Click on the picture to learn more about my new toy.

The laptop I currently own is an Acer 3613LCi. That combination of letters and numbers might mean something to you, but it really doesn't mean anything to me.

Unless it stands for "crap."

I really shouldn't be so mean to my laptop. It's not its fault that it decides to shut down and take a nap out of nowhere just because it feels like it. It's not its fault that it runs so slow and makes the simple act of typing a document or sending an e-mail an exercise in futility and frustration. It's an old laptop and was never that fancy and advanced even in its heyday.

I will still use you, my granny laptop, even when my shiny happy new laptop arrives. I'll probably take you with me to work, where you actually look good next to my in-class computer (which is practically a contemporary of Moses).

But oh, waiting for my new computer is like waiting for Christmas to come. I can't wait! :-)

Books and apples and junk

More ficletty goodness! Read them here and here.

Today I went back in to my classroom with Ricky and finished two of my bulletin boards. The one that's kind of like a store window, facing the hallway, I decorated with pink paper and butterfly border plus two big, bright butterflies. According to Ricky, they look real and since I stuck them there with tacks, he says that only helps achieve the life-like effect that much more. I've got to remember to take some pics with my cell tomorrow, so I can post them here.

The other board's not as exciting, it has a teal background and a teachery border, all books and apples and junk. This one will be my FYI board, where I'll post important announcements and the like.

I'm feeling better about my new room. At first I was eh. I felt like I'd been kicked out of a club or something, after being moved from the main building. But today I got my room keys for the first time plus they moved over almost all of my old furniture so it's starting to feel like home. It helps that it's getting all prettiful, thanks to Ricky's decorating skills with posters and boards. I really have to remember to take pics of the room when it's done.

Well, I'm watching the latest episode of "No Reservations," which takes place in Tokyo. Man, I want to go back. I feel like I didn't fully appreciate my time there. Anthony Bourdain also posted a great blog entry about his experience. You can read that here, along with his other, previous entries about his other travels.