Sponsors

I am now accepting sponsors for "I blog, therefore I am." :)

If you are interested in advertising your company and products on my blog, all you have to do is email me at ASimon78@aol.com and let me know!

The types of products I'm interested in and think would advertise well on this blog include fashion, accessories, cosmetics, and art. I'm a big fan of Etsy, so if you're a vendor there and would like to advertise here, do let me know.

************************************

All content on this site is the sole property of Ana Cristina Simon, unless otherwise stated, and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

This is why I hate squirrels.

I was reading my bloggy friend Lauren's hee-larious blog the other day, and one of her recent posts inspired me to write this post.

Some warnings before I launch into story-mode:

It will be painful to write about.

It will cause me to dredge up horrible, irreparable, scarring memories from my past.

It may cause horrible, irreparable, scarring memories for your future.

It will include photographic reenactment.

You have been warned...

"This is why I hate squirrels."

Once upon a time, there was a carefree, nature-loving little girl by the name of Ana Cristina. When Little Ana Cristina was about eight years old, she was invited to her friend's birthday party. It was to take place at Amelia Earhart Park. Little Ana Cristina was very excited to go because she loved parks and playing in the outdoors.

This would soon change.

Scene of the Squirrel Incident of 1986, Amelia Earhart Park

Little Ana Cristina had a blast running around with her friends and eating cake and cookies. As she was running past one of the highest trees in the park, something in one of the lower branches caught her attention.

It was an adorable little squirrel!

adorable little squirrel

Little Ana Cristina oohed and aahed over the adorable little squirrel. She resolved to make it her new best friend. This was to be her first mistake.

In her resolve to make the adorable little squirrel her new best friend, Little Ana Cristina cooed to the adorable little squirrel, saying, "Come here, adorable little squirrel. I won't hurt you." This was her second mistake.

What Little Ana Cristina didn't realize was that the adorable little squirrel had no intentions of becoming her new best friend, and what was more, he didn't believe her promise of not hurting him. As a result, it morphed from adorable little squirrel into fricking scary squirrel.

fricking scary squirrel

Little Ana Cristina was fricking scared, as you can imagine. She started backing up away from the tree and away from the fricking scary squirrel, planning to get as far away from this fricking scary squirrel as she could. But the fricking scary squirrel had other plans for Little Ana Cristina.

Plans that involved defying gravity.

fricking scary squirrel mid-flight

Little Ana Cristina was astonished. She'd never seen a squirrel take flight before. She couldn't help but stare. Unfortunately, the valuable time she lost in staring up at the gravity-defying squirrel was time she could've would've should've spent running away from the squirrel. Because it was headed straight for her head.

Little Ana Cristina had no time to do anything but scream, so she did!

Reenactment of Little Ana Cristina screaming

Alas, the fricking scary squirrel/gravity-defying squirrel took no mercy on Little Ana Cristina, despite her piercing screams. Instead, he landed right on Little Ana Cristina's head!

Little Ana Cristina screamed even louder. Glass windows within a 500-mile radius were shattered as a result.

No amount of screaming, however, was budging the fricking scary squirrel now firmly planted on her head. It was time for more drastic measures. Time for action, for brave deeds.

Little Ana Cristina knew what she had to do.

So she acted.

Little Ana Cristina grabbed the fricking scary squirrel right by the tail and flung it as far away from her as she possibly could. And for a second time that morning, the fricking scary squirrel defied gravity.

The fricking scary squirrel's 2nd flight

Little Ana Cristina was now free to run as far away from the fricking scary squirrel as she could. So she did.

As she ran breathlessly back to her friends, she heard a curious sound behind her.

A splash.


To this day, Little Ana Cristina does not know if that splash she heard was the sound of the fricking scary squirrel landing in the lake. But she fervently hopes it was.

The End

************************************

All content on this site is the sole property of Ana Cristina Simon, unless otherwise stated, and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.