Oh cranberry juice, why must you suck.

**Disclaimer: If you get grossed out by posts containing TMI having to do with sickness, do not read. Especially if you are a guy. That is all.**

So I woke up yesterday morning with my bladder on fire. No, really. There were flames and everything. Okay, so maybe not actual flames, but still. It felt like it. ::shrug::

Upon going to "the little girl's room," I realized to my great discontent that the flame-like sensation wasn't going away. No -- it was INTENSIFIED. And furthermore, my left kidney all of a sudden felt like it was being pummeled by Mike Tyson. Not good.

I crawled back to bed, contemplating going back to sleep, but I was in too much pain and annoyance to sleep. I drank my weight in water the rest of the day, and the pain subsided by nighttime, so I went to sleep expecting to feel totally fine the next morning. Thinking maybe this was just my body freaking out on me because I haven't been drinking enough liquid or something.

Apparently I was wrong. I woke up at 5:00 AM feeling worse. I didn't think that was possible. I mean, the sensation of flames attacking your bladder is not a pleasant one. And neither is your kidney being pummeled by Mike Tyson. But somehow, it felt like there were now TWO Mike Tyson's pummeling my kidney. And to make matters worse, when I tried to pee, it hurt like hell. And there was a little blood, just the faintest hint of pink on the toilet paper, but enough to make me worry.

I hate calling in sick on Mondays, but I had to do it. I felt too miserable to deal with whiny teenagers all day, especially when I felt like being a whiny teenager myself. I figured I'd just stay home and recuperate, and hopefully get well enough so that I don't have to visit the doctor (I hate visiting the doctor!!!). I'm thinking it's a UTI, or worse, a kidney or bladder infection, from my symptoms. So I've been drinking juice made out of this stuff all day:

That's right -- cranberry juice. Now this is something I normally don't drink for fun, like, ever. I detest cranberry juice. It's just so sour and full of yuck. I am curious as to why the hell this is the juice I need to drink to make the infection go away. Why can't it be strawberry or raspberry or apple juice, which are infinitely more palatable? What is it about cranberries that clears up infections? Is it because infections fear and detest cranberry juice as much as I do? I seriously think nobody despises cranberry juice as much as I do. No, really -- this is the face I make every time I drink it:

Not actually me, just some random cute baby from the interwebs.

Thank goodness for Ocean Spray. They seem to understand my pain and intolerance of all things cranberry, for they have created cranberry juice mixed with other juices. Like strawberry, raspberry, and apple.

Cue chorus of angels.

I have been happily drinking cran-strawberry juice all day. I've made good headway on the gallon I bought and I'm feeling a bit better. So here's hoping tomorrow morning I don't wake up to a bladder full of flames again. Because that would suck.

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4 comment(s):

Ann Marie said...

I am so sorry girl.
Hope you feel better soon!

You may need to go to the Doc. :(

Anonymous said...

I hope you get well soon!! Drinking fluids might help, but what if there's an infection? You might need antibiotics and an expert opinion.
Do take care!

Unknown said...

@Ann Marie & @indianhomemaker
You were both right! I went to the doctor and feel loads better now. Thanks goodness for antibiotics.

Anonymous said...

I am on sort of a permanent course of cranberry juice because of an extremely unfortunate general predisposition towards this kind of thing, and I was just googling how to make the juice more palatable and saw your post.

I'm sure you're well-over this event now, but if it comes up again in the future:

1) Ocean Spray cran-whatever isn't going to do anything and may make things worse. You want 100% pure cranberry juice. (Try drinking it at room temperature -- it's way less painful than cold.)

2) If your kidneys are hurting, go to the doctor immediately.

3) I heartily, heartily contest your claim that you detest cranberry juice more than anybody else. I appear to be so intolerant of sour things that I have started throwing up the cranberry juice almost as often as I get it down. So now, in addition to its being generally nasty and horrible and a regular feature of my daily life, now just the smell of it makes me gag.