She: I think it’s time.
He: Huh? What are you waking me up for? It’s almost three in the morning for Christ’s sake.
She: Jimmy, I said I think it’s time.
He: Time for what? Hammer time? [Under his breath] Nap time?
She [hits him with a pillow]: Oh, you great big dolt! I never shoulda married you! Why didn’t I listen to my mother…
He: There, there. Don’t cry, sweetheart. Hey, you ever wondered why we pronounce it “sweet heart” when it’s written together, as one word? You’d think it would make a “th” sound after sweet.
She: That’s it. I want a divorce.
He: Oh, calm down, Kathy, I’m just joshing you. Just helping you relax.
She: Well, I’m not going to relax until you call a cab. I’m gonna go take a shower.
He: What are you going to take a shower for? Who you looking to impress?
She: Jim, the whole family’s going to be there! Your dad always brings that video camera to every occasion. I want to look nice is all.
He: You’d think we were going to a beauty pageant and not having a baby. Sheesh.
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