Superhero Obituaries - Average Woman: "Not too Hot, Not too Cold, Just Right"


Superhero Average Woman, alias, Jane Doe, best known for being the only superhero to accomplish absolutely nothing of consequence, passed away on Sunday at 2:15 PM. Average Woman and her husband John Doe were enjoying a stimulating game of shuffleboard at their retirement home, Shining Shores, when she unexpectedly collapsed.

Doctors are still awaiting results from the autopsy but they suspect that she died of heat stroke.

“73% of deaths in Florida for individuals aged 50+ are a result of heat stroke,” resident physician of Shining Shores, Kendall Smith, stated. Average Woman was 55.

“She may not have achieved great things like Wonder Woman but she was a good mom most of the time,” her daughter Elizabeth tearfully informed reporters.

When asked how Average Woman made a difference in his life, John Doe responded, “I can best compare our marriage to the tale of Goldilocks – not too hot, not too cold. Just right.”

Average Woman is survived by husband John Doe and their 2.5 children.

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