These are my five.

As promised yesterday, here are the five people I think I would need to meet before entering heaven. (I'm not including all of my immediate family because I'm working under the [hopefully true] assumption that everyone I love will be in heaven.)

This is a hard blog post for me to write, reader. So please respect where it's coming from. And if you didn't get to read yesterday's blog post, please do so first as you may not understand this post otherwise.

Okay, deep breath. *inhales, exhales* These are my five...  (click to read more)


1. my first best friend. My first best friend had golden yellow hair and eyes the exact same color as her hair. She was wild, feisty, outspoken -- the total opposite of mousy, shy me. At least the me I was as a little girl. But my first best friend taught me to be adventurous, taught me to take chances. She helped make me brave.

Even though we lost touch after about fourth grade or so -- she went on to join the "popular" crew, while I hung back with the more studious, quiet kids -- I never forgot her and still think fondly of her to this day.

I would want to meet my first best friend before entering heaven so that I could tell her thank you -- thank you for teaching me to be adventurous, to take chances. Thank you for making me brave. And most important of all, thank you for being my first best friend and teaching me the value of friendship.

2. my 10th grade English teacher. When I was in 10th grade, I had no idea I would become a teacher or a wanna-be writer. I was more concerned with whether I should curl or straighten my hair, or if the boy I liked noticed my new lip gloss or not. (Yeah, I was a silly girl back then. Correction: sillier.)

But then came this English teacher with bouncy blond curls and an ebullient personality to match, with these newfangled writing prompts and encouraging words of support for every little thing I turned into her. She was the one who first ignited that spark of creativity in me, who made me realize my love of words. I learned to appreciate writing as a true craft thanks to her, and without her, I may not be a teacher or even a wanna-be writer today.

I would want to meet my 10th grade English teacher before entering heaven so that I could let her know how much I admire her, even though I didn't have the guts at 16 to tell her so. And I would want her to know the impact she's had on my life, how very much she has inspired me personally and professionally.

3. my ex boy-friend (not to be confused with boyfriend). I had this best boy-friend in college. I'll call him Joe. He and I were like two peas in a pod -- we shared the same taste in books, movies, and music. We used to talk on the phone way into the wee hours. He was my best pal, my buddy, my "soul mate," like he used to call it. However, our friendship was constrained by one major issue: this boy didn't just like me as a friend. He wanted more, much more than I was willing to give. Because I saw him as a friend, nothing more, nothing less.

My learning about his feelings wasn't what damaged the friendship. What ended it was him becoming jealous when I started dating someone. He said and did hurtful things, no doubt motivated by this jealousy. I felt betrayed, and so I stopped speaking to him. We have never recovered our friendship ever since.

I would want to meet my ex boy-friend before entering heaven because I would want him to understand how much I was hurt by his betrayal. I would want him to understand how much I missed that friendship, and how angry I was at him for damaging it so foolishly, so irreparably. But I would also want him to know that I forgive him, even though his actions ultimately cost us our friendship.

4. my brother. I love my little brother. I really do. I just don't show it the way I should, and while I am ashamed to admit this, many times throughout my life I have been embarrassed to be his sister. And I have not even bothered to hide this from him.

Let me tell you a little bit more about my brother so that you can understand where I'm coming from. He's not like other people -- and lest you think, Oh please, neither is my brother, I actually mean it. You see, he is mentally disabled and acts much, much younger than his 26 years. We (and by "we" I mean my family and I) are not sure exactly what he has. When he was little, he was diagnosed with ADD (attention deficit disorder), but we knew that wasn't it. Not exactly. Later on when I was taking psychology courses in college, I learned about autism, and today I really think he has this. I wish we could take him to a doctor to confirm this and get him the help he needs. It's just he's so resistant to interacting with others, plus it's darn near impossible to drag him to a doctor nowadays since he's not a little kid anymore (however he may act like one), and he hates leaving the house. Oh, and he's overweight, has been for a long time. That's something else about him that embarrassed me growing up.

I want to meet him before entering heaven so that I could let him know how sorry I am for ignoring him, for being embarrassed by him, for not showing him how much I love him. I just want to make things right with him, and if there's a heaven, this needs to happen before I can reach it.

5. my love (aka, the boyf). Okay, so you saw this one coming for sure, I bet. I don't have much to say about this choice other than if there's such a thing as heaven, I don't even want to step one foot inside it if I can't walk in with him.

 picture via we heart it

Photobucket

10 comment(s):

chelsea rebecca said...

oh wait who are your five!! i so want to know.
that book is one of my absolute faves. the first time i picked it up i didn't put it down till i was finished.
but i have no idea who my five would be!

Firebolt said...

Aww..

This is a really good idea for a blogpost.. I love the fact that you'd like to meet your brother again.. I have a similar case in my family and I know how much love and compassion means to them

<3

Here's wishing you and your brother a lot of happiness..

Great blog, btw!

Annie Cristina said...

@Chelsea: I did! Try reading it again, my answers should be there -- they're just not visible if you're not reading the post on the main page. Try reading it by itself.

@Firebolt: Thanks for your kind words and welcome to my blog! :-)

Marissa said...

Awwww. I so have to go to the library this weekend and get this book.
I know how you feel with your brother, Annie. My stepbrother is autistic -- he can talk a little (words like Mom and Marissa -- I was so honored when he said my name =)) but he mainly communicates through (his own made up)hand signals. It's easy to get kinda embarrassed by him, but I love him. I think it's sweet that he is one of your "five." =)

Rasha said...

First, loving the new layout :)

Second, I havent read this book but I heard it was good... I like this blog post a lot!

Miss Adri said...

I got teary eyed reading this... beautiful post!

Hannahkin said...

Ana! this is gorgeous. i love your five, and i think you really chose well. (i'd also bargain on seeing my family in heaven, because there's no way i'd be able to choose between all of them!)

i think one of my five would also be my brother. he's a lot older than me (11 years) and has a mild form of clinical depression... i love him so much but since he doesn't live with us, whenever we see him it stays on such a superficial level. i want to really talk to him, to be able to tell him how much his pain hurts me, too and how badly i want to help him - i've never been able to tell him that, and i feel like i need to.

thanks for this post and thank you for you :)

Annie Cristina said...

Thanks, guys! *does Snoopy Dance* ;)

Simply Me said...

Im wanting to read this book now ..it sounds pretty amazing ..
Also im hosting my very first giveaway too..you can enter the giveaway here and maybe just win a vintage pair of earrings ..i hope you'll drop in to participate ..cheers ..

indianhomemaker said...

I hope you do meet your brother soon :) And everybody else in your list too!